IPV and PTSD

PTSD is an anxiety disorder that some people get after seeing or living through a dangerous event.

Originally it was accepted as something that happened to returning soldiers. Then around the time of 9/11 we learned that it was common to anyone from any background who had gone through a physically life threatening situation.

Now it is also accepted as being caused by emotionlly threatening experiences.

PTSD is an anxiety disorder that some people get after seeing or living through a dangerous event.

When in danger, it’s natural to feel afraid. This fear triggers many split-second changes in the body to prepare to defend against the danger or to avoid it. This “fight-or-flight” response is a healthy reaction meant to protect a person from harm. But in PTSD, this reaction is changed or damaged. People who have PTSD may feel stressed or frightened even when they’re no longer in danger.

Ordinary events can serve as reminders of the trauma and trigger flashbacks or intrusive images. A flashback may make the person lose touch with reality and reenact the event for a period of seconds or hours or, very rarely, days. A person having a flashback, which can come in the form of images, sounds, smells, or feelings, usually believes that the traumatic event is happening all over again.

IPV stands for Intimate Partner Violence and includes physical, sexual and psychological violence. read

The following quote is quite astounding and has a direct association with my life.

In particular, the psychological component of intimate partner violence was the strongest predictor of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

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This week a friend of mine left her husband after years of trauma at the hands of her husband. Completely different, yet amazingly the same, this weeks acknowledgement of her situation and the immediate resulting actions have sent me back into a downward spiral.
I have been living in a vague tunnel, aware of what I was doing but spending my whole time madly mentally trying to solve her problem. I've made many stupid mistakes, cried convulsively anumber of times and spent dream time abusing my ex and defending myself in indefensible situations.
Very draining.
It is all too close to what we have been through.
Finally I have been able to tell her some of my concerns and things to lookout for and the fear is going. I am coming to terms with this week now because I have learnt to recognise the cause of my distress although it could recur because my friend is still here in town dealing with her immediate needs but it has been an interesting lesson that even after 6 years it is all still very much there and I have to be wary of how I tread.

One of the most important things you can do for people in any sort of emotionally abusive relationship is to let them know that you believe them even if you don't understand or relate in your life experiences to anything the are going through and you CAN'T see any evidence that they are telling the truth.
Please don't make the mistake of minimising their experience by comparing it to your own. It is amazing how many friends thought I had just had a husband who was occasionally out of sorts and that I was being insensitve in not accepting his foibles.
What we have been through is as individual as our personalities but completely different to your average relationship trouble.
To have to fight the results of the abuse without the understanding of fellow humans is incredibly hard and only reinforces the trauma we feel and the length of time we will be stuck with the PTSD.

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In happier news I was able find these scraps of purpley fabrics which will end up in a tiered skirt for a ten year old.
In searching for a free pattern online (totally lazy of me because who needs a free pattern for such a skirt) I came upon this wonderful tier calculator on jcaroline creative.